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Advice Not Worth Seeking

It’s been a while, and a lot has happened in the life of this petroleum wife. It’s been 5 years since I’ve checked in. In those 5 years, I’ve had 2 babies, lost a loved one, moved all around the world and in summation: fully embodied my role as a petroleum wife. We’ve had adventure after adventure, lots of laughs, some tears, some illnesses and happiness. In 2014 we relocated (once again!) to Calgary from Houston with our 4 month old baby girl. We left Calgary at the end of 2015 to Jakarta, Indonesia. We had our second baby girl in Singapore in 2016. By the end of that summer, we headed back to Houston, only to be moved back in October to Jakarta! In January 2017 we landed in Houston and last year we moved 3 times around the greater Houston area, finally bought a house, totaled a car and reconnected with old friends and made some new ones. Now, we are preparing once again to head back to Asia (this time Taiwan) in the summer. It’s a whirlwind and exciting, but more to come on all of that later.

This week, as I looked through the notifications I had for this site, I came across two unread emails. Both of them were from fellow petroleum wives asking me for some advice on how to cope. I’m not sure I could’ve given much worthy advice 5 years ago. I was barely coping myself! This blog was born on a lonely night, out of desperately hoping to cope. I answered, despite the number of years that had gone by.  I apologized and wished them well. And for what it was worth, I gave them what advice I could, acknowledging they probably no longer needed it.

One woman responded; thanking me for my email but informing me that they had divorced. I was frankly too late. In 5 years, as our family was growing, hers was crumbling apart. She is coparenting well with her spouse now. I’m not sure how to feel. I’m proud of women who can stand up for what they need. For what they can no longer tolerate. Her divorce took me back a second. Petroleum wife-ing isn’t always international adventures and exotic expat living. Countless lonely nights, missed moments, and one too many good bye parties take their toll eventually. Kudos to this woman, for recognizing that for her, it just wasn’t worth it. Kudos to me, for still recognizing it still is for us.




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